I have a few confessions for the New Year.
I haven’t had my hair cut in well over a year, maybe more. I wear it slung up in a messy bun most days, and some days I don’t even comb it. I am far overdue for a dental cleaning, and I need a routine visit with my doctor as well. Let’s not even discuss the sad state of affairs of my weight, skin, fingernails and feet.
All these little maintenance things I’ve failed to do for myself. Mostly, it’s because I’ve been too busy taking care of others.
Or it just wasn’t in the budget this month.
Or there just wasn’t any time left in the day.
At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself since becoming a mom.
Since becoming a mom, showers got significantly shorter and sleep became scarce so looking haggard was the norm. My son peed all over a cashmere sweater during a changing, so I packed it away along with anything that wasn’t machine washable. I donned sweat pants and t-shirts; they’d likely get covered in vomit, breast milk, mucus, puréed vegetables, et cetera anyway. I traded stylish heels for comfy sneakers, gorgeous handbags for a diaper bag, and pretty blouses for cotton shirts I could easily wear with a nursing bra. I wore hardly any makeup.
• • • • •
Let me stop and say that I hope I’m not coming across as discontented. The trade-offs were warranted given my new lifestyle and were merely materialistic. I received far greater blessings, so I hope you know I’m not at all complaining. Not everyone is able to have children, let alone stay at home to guide their growth and development, so regardless of my sleep-deprived and unsightly state, I am eternally grateful to have been with my babies every single day of their little newborn lives.
That said, I give my all to the awesome task of being a mom, and I have sacrificed myself to do it. With my first, I developed a dreadful case of mastitis that was further exacerbated by my extreme lack of self-care. It required two surgeries, tons of post-op care {thank you, NMCRS Visiting Nurse} and even more careful follow-up and patience. It also required closer attention to my own needs: getting adequate rest, eating healthy foods, drinking plenty of water, taking time out for myself.
You know the drill.
We all know the drill; we just seem to make everything except ourselves the priority. Some say it’s selfish. I’ve finally learned over the last 40 years on this earth that it is okay to be a little selfish in this respect. It is okay to carve out some time to enjoy a chapter or two of a book you’ve been pining to read. It is okay to take a few more minutes in the shower to shave your legs and moisturize. It is okay to pursue something you love that may not include your loved ones.
Because when you treat yourself with a little tenderness, you’ll feel happier, prettier, calmer, more fulfilled, and in turn, will treat others with more kindness, too. When I do something to replenish my spirit, I am a more patient mother, a more loving wife and a more compassionate friend. Everyone benefits when you make time to care for yourself.
• • • • •
It’s heartbreaking that my kids aren’t babies anymore. They’re still little enough to need me, but they can now do some things independently and entertain themselves for brief periods of time. That opens up a space that I can fill. So I am challenging myself {and you, if you’re ready} to take the first step towards making yourself a priority. It doesn’t matter what it is, big or small — making a plan to lose weight, starting an exercise regimen, buying a new lipstick or treating yourself to a pedicure — just start. Today.
My first step towards a better me in 2016 was to register to run the Rock ‘n’ Roll Half Marathon in my city. Even though I haven’t run {or even exercised} since becoming a mom over four years ago, the race is scheduled for September so I have plenty of time to train. My goals are to finish 13.1 miles strong, lose 20 pounds and gain greater self-worth along the way.
So let’s chat. Do you struggle in this area, too? Do you think it’s selfish to take time for yourself? Is there one thing you could do today to make yourself a priority? What’s stopping you?
Please leave a reply below and let’s encourage one another in our quests. Happy 2016! — v.
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Ah! Great read! I remember the dreadful case of mastitis! Just know if you ever need a babysitter to have some “me-time” you know how to get a hold of me!! I hope you have the best 2016!!
You, Dr. P and the NMCRS visiting nurse were my saviors! I’m so glad, too, because you all supported my decision to continue nursing despite it all. You are now officially on my speed dial — just remember there are two of them now! Thank you, and best to you in 2016, too!
Great read! Thanks for writing! In theory, I want to lose the pregnancy weight, but realistically I will probably get pregnant again before that happens. Generally my discontent with my body has less to do with its shape as much as with how it means that I haven’t gotten any exercise, which I really like to do. Cheyenne is more or less sleeping through the night, so now a lot of my goals have been coming to the surface, including exercising, seeing friends, writing, cooking, spinning yarn, and not living in a hellhole of a house. But I think I would like to focus on making planning a regular part of my routine, because there’s so much I want to do, and I have to be more intentional to get it done. My next step at the moment re: mommy time is finding a good babysitter.
That’s funny because I got back into running briefly after my first, only to find out I was pregnant again — held off for another two years! It really is replenishing to have some quality mommy time. I love what you’re doing with The Fluff of Legend! Just be forewarned that you may become a bit greedy and want more, more, more!